Is it Time to Quit, or Is It ADHD?

Let's talk about quitting, and how we should think about it in connection ADHD. 

Transcript

00:00:00:01 - 00:00:28:10
Arianna
What's up, suckers? It's me. I'm back. And, yeah, in case you haven't been keeping track on YouTube, I actually let my community know that you were going to start seeing videos for me or during podcast episodes for me once every two weeks because I am open to nothing if not following my own advice. And every time that I have tried to do a video every week, life has decided to punch me in my metaphorical balls.

00:00:28:16 - 00:00:41:15
Arianna
So I take that as a sign that two weeks is the better time to be doing this. So with that, let's go ahead and get into should you quit or is it ADHD?

00:00:44:21 - 00:01:05:12
Arianna
I know that the title of this might sound like it's me thinking about quitting, but it's not. It's actually an answer to an awesome question to somebody else. Here on YouTube where they basically said, you know, how do you handle when you lose interest in your big interests or big lifetime goals and especially if that has to do with your career or your job?

00:01:06:10 - 00:01:29:27
Arianna
And I have a lot to say on this because I have dealt with this myself. I have consistently rebranded over and over again. I was a mom blogger. I was an anti-racism educator, and in between have been a bunch of other small things. And that's not even counting in the professional world where I've worked in insurance, I've worked in education.

00:01:29:27 - 00:01:59:07
Arianna
I at one point was sitting for the SAT because I thought I wanted to be a lawyer. So if anybody understands losing interest and changing tack, it's me. And it's a very understandable question to say, you know, when is this a legit reason for me to want to quit? And when am I just being ADHD? About it? So I'm going to give you the answers that I know from my experience, and hopefully it helps.

00:02:00:05 - 00:02:35:11
Arianna
And we're going to just kick right off with something that I think a lot of us kind of assume. So a lot of us tend to assume that because ADHD years are impulsive and because we lose interest fast, that we are more likely to just quit a job impulsively. And that's actually not particularly true. Like if you Google it, you will find people who talk about quitting and who just suddenly impulsively quit a job that was killing their soul.

00:02:35:24 - 00:03:00:21
Arianna
So it's not like it's impossible, but there is no science to suggest that we're more likely to impulsively quit anything. So if you're kind of like, well, I'm probably just feeling this because I am impulsively wanting to quit because something went wrong and I am doing this for no reason and my brain needs to be discounted. Don't do that.

00:03:01:17 - 00:03:41:27
Arianna
You are not any more likely than anyone else to want to quit for no reason. Very few people want to quit something for no reason. Be that a hobby or a job. There's usually a reason behind that need to quit. Actually, you're just as likely to hang in there with a job for way longer than you should because I mean, when you grow up hearing from people that you're lazy, that you don't try hard enough, that you're not living up to your potential to expectations, you are going to feel a lot more like you need to prove people wrong, that you need to prove that you can stay for as long as anyone else can,

00:03:42:11 - 00:04:07:19
Arianna
or that you can do it as well as anyone else can. So if anything, as with most people, you're probably more likely to hang around longer than you should. And that is true for both hobbies, for jobs, for life. You just say for relationships, you're just more likely to deal with things way past when you should, because you feel like from what other people have told you, that you give up too soon.

00:04:09:03 - 00:04:30:08
Arianna
And if you're kind of asking now, OK, so does that mean I should just quit then the moment that I feel like I'm over it, I mean, this is a very nuanced question. You're a very nuanced human being. This is a decision that is being moved around in that giant supercomputer that you call a brain. So it's not as simple as a yes or no.

00:04:30:08 - 00:04:50:20
Arianna
Right off the bat. You're going to have to get to know the person who has the answers and that to you. And the best way to do that is to ask yourself questions Questions like, why am I losing interest in this? How long have I been feeling this way? Which is a very, very important question that people don't ask enough.

00:04:51:00 - 00:05:17:29
Arianna
Because if you've only been tired of this, you know, for the last two days, ADHD brains especially tend to sometimes feel like the way that we feel right now is the way that we will feel 10 minutes into the future or the way that we felt three days ago when the fact is, maybe you've only been feeling this way for two days, for 2 hours, maybe it's actually directly related to something that happened that doesn't happen often.

00:05:17:29 - 00:05:40:27
Arianna
And your mind might change. So you want to ask yourself, you know, how long have I been dealing with these feelings just in case this is in fact connected to something that is more recent or that may not stay this way forever. So and then then you also want to ask yourself, you know, if there's anything other than quitting that could reinvigorate my interest in this thing, what would that be?

00:05:41:05 - 00:06:04:06
Arianna
Maybe there is something that you can do. You want to ask yourself what you would rather be doing, because maybe there is something that's been grabbing your attention other than that. And you also, of course, want to think about this logically and ask yourself if it's even reasonable to be giving up on whatever it is, because, you know, plan B's are kind of important, right?

00:06:04:16 - 00:06:25:21
Arianna
So once you've done all that, then you can start kind of thinking about solutions to it, right? Like maybe you ask yourself, why am I losing interest in this thing? And you realize you're losing interest in it just because it's boring. You've been doing the same thing for ten, 15 years, and I'll get into this in a later episode.

00:06:25:21 - 00:06:52:07
Arianna
But ADHD brains aren't really made for just straight linear work all the time. And so maybe you just need to be challenged more. And that doesn't necessarily have to be taking on more work maybe it means that whatever industry you're in, you try to explore other parts of that industry. For example, I used to be in insurance and I was in insurance sales, and then I got bored with sales and wound up moving to underwriting, which was great.

00:06:52:29 - 00:07:15:28
Arianna
And then from underwriting I moved to claims, which wasn't too bad. Maybe there are other parts of what you're doing that might keep you feeling challenged and and awake and reinvigorate your interest in whatever it is that you are losing interest in. The same goes for hobbies Maybe the reason that you're suddenly bored with painting is because you've been trying to do the same types of painting over and over again and it just doesn't speak to you.

00:07:15:29 - 00:07:33:27
Arianna
Maybe the actual job itself, maybe not what you're doing, but just the job itself has sucked all of the fun out of it. That's total and completely possible. If it's a hobby that you've turned into a job, maybe the problem isn't that you hate that hobby. Maybe you just hate doing it for other people and it feels better to do it for yourself.

00:07:33:27 - 00:08:23:25
Arianna
And here's the thing. Maybe you also just don't like it anymore, and that's totally possible. And that takes me to the last thing here, and that's basically, you know, screw everyone who tries to make you feel bad for giving something up and changing direction. That's what happens to all human brains. And I feel like there is this unreasonable and very weird belief out there that if you don't pick one thing and do it for 40 years until you die and never stray from it and never change your mind, that you're not a real adult or that you are not to be trusted or that you're flaky when the fact is even neurotypical brains change, maybe

00:08:23:25 - 00:08:42:11
Arianna
hours change. More often than not, but, you know, that's what happens when you also make people feel like they can't have interests without making money off of them. Not going to get into that. I could rant about that for days but the fact is your minds or your mind is going to change and it's going to change for multiple different reasons.

00:08:42:11 - 00:09:04:02
Arianna
And often those reasons, whether they make sense to anybody or not, doesn't matter. They're they're important reasons to you. And again, if that happens, if it turns out that, you know, you realize that you're just not liking it anymore and quitting is not an option, you're not trapped, it just means that you might have to find creative ways around this problem.

00:09:04:14 - 00:09:35:07
Arianna
It could be, like I said, you know, finding different parts of the job to do instead or different positions in that job to do instead. It could be adding to your life by finding hobbies that you really look forward to doing when you're not working. And I know that this is a shock to a number of people because we are not told this anywhere near enough, but maybe it means that you reframe and your job is the way that you fund your hobbies.

00:09:35:07 - 00:09:55:27
Arianna
Your job is the way that you just make the money that you need to make so that you can move forward into doing things that you actually really enjoy doing. I know that we're supposed to love our jobs and we're supposed to make our jobs, our lives. And if we're not in love, with what we do every day, then we're doing it wrong.

00:09:57:23 - 00:10:17:04
Arianna
But that's bullshit. Like, honestly, for a lot of us, it's our way to make money. And if there are people watching this being like, Arianna, is that what you're trying to say? You're trying to tell us you only do this to make money now? I don't do it just to make money. This I am one of the people who is truly blessed and truly lucky enough to be able to do what I love for a living.

00:10:18:07 - 00:10:38:01
Arianna
But I also do it to make money. Money is important, right? It's how you get a chance to do things with the people you love. And for a lot of people, it's the way to do things that truly reinvigorate your soul. If work reinvigorates her soul, that's amazing. But it doesn't necessarily have to be the point of work and you're not doing it wrong.

00:10:38:26 - 00:11:09:18
Arianna
If that isn't what work does, it's OK to do your job and to kind of feel like men. This really isn't awakening anything in me, because then that basically means, All right, look, outside of work, what does reinvigorate you? What can you look forward to making money to fund, to do and focus on that? And of course, if you have the ability to quit and this is just isn't doing it for you, quit.

00:11:10:03 - 00:11:29:17
Arianna
Do it like I know that a lot of people are. Tyler fired, Tyler fired, terrified people are terrified to say that because they don't want people saying, oh, you told me to quit my job and now I'm homeless and this is all your fault. But notice that I said if it makes sense for you to do like don't do it if you know that it's going to put you in dire straits.

00:11:29:17 - 00:11:56:05
Arianna
But if quitting your job is not going to leave you in any worse situation, and what you're doing doesn't make you happy and you know what would then I say, do it, guys. I'm not going to go on the life is too short rant because I feel like everybody does that. But what I am going to say is that most of the ADHD years I have met have an amazing, amazing gut sense.

00:11:56:22 - 00:12:20:00
Arianna
And when they follow their guts, they almost always wind up in a place much better than where they would have been. Even if the initial point is scary, even if the initial change is scary and you are a human being, you are not your job, you are not your interests and those interests and job changing don't change you as a person.

00:12:20:00 - 00:12:47:12
Arianna
So don't be afraid to look into new things. Don't feel like it's going to make you seem quote unquote flaky to look into new things or to change your mind about what your interest is. Half way, three quarters of the way, four quarters of the way through. You're allowed to change your mind and ADHD brains change a lot.

00:12:48:18 - 00:13:14:16
Arianna
But that's just because that's just because we like novelty and newness, and there's nothing wrong with that. So in the end, I say that if you are feeling a need to change your mind and you go through these three things and you realize that something needs to change, that's OK. Change can be very good and I hope that helps.

00:13:15:00 - 00:13:32:08
Arianna
So if this video has helped you, please, please, please drop it like subscribe. It helps me find cool people, helps cool people find me, and that's very important to me. For the rest of you, thank you very much for watching. Drink some water, take good care of yourself and I'll see you in the next video.